Snas the Oober Driver
by Decklo
Summary: Basically a short parody of the beginning of the movie Logan but with the undertale characters. Its a one shot so yeah. I obviously don't own either Undertale or the X-Men franchise...


Sans slept... sort of. It was more like a light nap than anything else. I mean come on. He was sleeping in the driver's seat of a limo. He'd finished his rounds for the night but wasn't particularly in the mood to deal with the kid, Tori, or even his bro at the moment. 'Ah, whatever... they don't need me around anyways. I'm sure they're fine.' It'd been about a year since they all left the underground and while at first Sans tried to help the kid and Asgore establish public relations with the humans at their request... but it became too much work. It became too awkward between him and Frisk. So Sans bought a car with his savings from his... previous employment and started driving for Uber, Lyft, and any other companies that hired limos out. He lived with his bro like before, but now in an apartment in the city. Toriel and Asgore each bought a house in the suburbs with the compensation money the government said they were entitled to and Frisk stayed between the two of them. Undyne became a cop, and Alphys got enough compensation and money from selling rights to the Core to send herself to a surface University, and a good one at that. Even Papyrus got a job as a waiter at a local Italian restaurant eventually... every one was happy. Everyone but Sans.

All of a sudden Sans was jostled out of his slumber bye a particular loud screeching noise and of course the now 30 degree tilt of his jet black vehicle. He sluggishly flailed around to sit up then immediately regretted it as he now felt the effect of too much tequila and ketchup before before bed. And no he was NOT drinking and driving!

"Ugh..." he grunted as he rubbed an eyesocket pulled the door handle and kicked the door open. The skeleton also regretted that because the orange glow of the street lamps in the parking lot, were just a bit too overwhelming. Sans squinted and exited the limo. Three or four humans were crouching near his back left tire. It was hard to tell with all the spinning.

"Hey, buddies like I get that you're trying to steal my wheels, but like could you not? Can you at least wait 'til Friday when I get-" Sans was interrupted by what looked to be the leader of the scoundrels.

"Yo who'd you think ya are ya bitchass skeleton?! We do what we want. Yo take him out Pedro, don't need dem cops on us!" Shouted a guy who looked to be in his early 30s with a bandana over his hair and tattoos layered on his slim but well built arms. He probably looked intimidating. To someone else that is. The guy we can assume to be Pedro picked up a large discarded pipe and swung it at Sans. Sans sighed and attempted to dodge but the booze was probably still effective as while Pedro did miss Sans tripped over a loose piece of asphalt.

"Fuck." Was all he said.

At that all the goons ran over punching and kicking him. Now Sans dodged most of them but even if they did manage to hit him they only did a fraction of 1 HP anyways. It was still annoying though. Sans slowly grit his teeth and said "Look, I don't want any trouble... and if you were smart you'd leave right now. I don't want to hurt you. But. I. Will."

The main guy laughed at this "Says he's gonna hurt us is he? Len, shotgun. Now. And go ahead and bury him over there when you done." The rest went back to jacking Sans' tires while Len, a tall burly man cocked a shotgun and fired it at point blank. Sans never was that great at dodging guns, he hated them in fact. After all monsters didn't need to use them. But he hated them not because they were a feat of HUMAN engineering, or because they were too fast. No, hated how impersonal they were--he'd rather be killed by knife anyday. Anyways only one of the pellets actually hit bone the rest happened to land between his ribs and other gaps. By this time he was bleeding from multiple spots but he wasn't quite dead yet... well dead enough anyways.

Sans stood up, now pissed. The gang was just snickering to themselves while undoing the bolts on the hubcap. That is until Sans stood up. They all looked scared now, unsure how Sans could have survived. Pedro swung his metal pipe again but this time around, Sans' left eye pinged to it's eerie swirl of yellow turned electric blue. Stopping the bat an inch from his skull, the skeleton tsked the young man only about 20.

"Nuh-uh-un. I guess I'll just have to get not so friendly with you amigos." Sans smirked while wiggling his finger back and forth.

Sans used his blue magic to swing the terrified Pedro around into some unnarmed guy. Len got his shot gun out again onlt to find that Sans speared it from his hands with a particularly sharp bone attack. He snapped his fingers and sent a small barrage of bones into his aggressors. They impaled themselves into non vital areas but it sure as hell hurt. He left the guy holding Pedro unharmed as to drive the others away. They all squirmed on the tarmac with wide eyes at Sans. His eye sockets were pupiless like how he used to scare the kiddo when they were back underground.

"Now, if it wasn't for my brother's unwavering faith in humanity, you'd all be dead where you lay. But as Judge I proclaim you to be punished enough. So leave. NOW." And they dragged themselves to their rugged van and drove away. "...I hope you feel your sins upon your backs..." Sans said as he righted his car with the lever the goons left behind, rubbing his face when he saw the holes in his fresh coat of paint. "Awe come on? Why'd ya have to do that ya mooks." He complained as he collapsed back on the driver's seat hoping for a couple more hors of sleep. "Ugh... why today?"


End file.
